Thousands of council staff are being trained to police the smoking ban in bars, restaurants and shops in England.
Ministers have given councils £29.5m to pay for staff, who will be able to give on-the-spot £50 fines to individuals and take court action against premises.
They will have the power to enter premises undercover, allowing them to sit among drinkers, and will even be able to photograph and film people.
Some helpful tips for Smoking Inspectors
If you see this;
take many undercover pictures from lots of different angles, try to get her phone number and promise you can, “get ‘er off wiv a warning if she plays ball”
If you see this;
kick him in the nads, smash his face into the bar, preferably with glassware littering the place, handcuff him and drag him outside by his nostrils. Make certain to tell him the courts don’t look kindly on civil disobedience then call the anti-terrorism squad and have him detained under the ‘Prevention of Terrorism Act’.
If you see this;
someone has clearly spiked your undercover drink with powerful hallucinogenics.
Thank them.
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